Managing Holiday Expectations: How to Let Go of Perfection as a Mom

The holiday season can really intensify the pressure to have a flawless, picture-perfect experience. As moms, we're especially vulnerable to this pressure. We often feel responsible for creating magical moments for everyone around us so they can enjoy the holidays. But striving for perfection comes at a cost to moms like this: stress, exhaustion, and feeling like we're not doing enough.

Why Trying to Be Perfect Can Ruin the Holidays

The holidays can feel stressful when you try to make everything perfect. You may feel like it's your job to plan the perfect parties, have your house looking amazing, and make sure every meal is perfect. But when you try to do it all, you can end up feeling tired, fighting with your partner, and missing out on enjoying the moment. Think about how you want to feel in the moment and the memories you want your family to have. Then, ask yourself what leads to that. Is it everything looking and being arranged perfectly? Is it having slow, sweet moments together?

I get it, there is A LOT of external pressure. If you're scrolling social media you might think everyone else is doing more and having more memories. Maybe you're bringing in expectations of your own families and holiday traditions. What your family does NOT need is for you to crumble and be overwhelmed by all of these outside things. Coaching can help you figure out why you feel the need to be perfect and help you make the holidays more enjoyable. It can also help you talk to your partner so you're not doing everything by yourself.

How the Pressure Shows Up When We Try to Enjoy the Holidays

Sometimes we try to make the holidays perfect because of what we see online or from family traditions. You might see perfect photos on social media and feel like you're not doing enough. Your family might expect you to keep old traditions, even if they're too much work. This can leave you feeling overwhelmed, with little time for your own needs.

Talking with your partner about these things can help. When you're both on the same page, it makes it easier to share the work and focus on what's most important. Coaching can help improve how you both communicate so you’re working as a team.

Tips to Let Go of Perfection and Enjoy the Holidays

1. Pick What’s Most Important
Choose just a few things that matter the most for your holiday. Maybe it’s decorating the tree or making a favorite dish. Focus on those and forget the rest!

2. Don’t Worry About Messes
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be fun. Sometimes, the mistakes—like burnt cookies or mismatched decorations—turn into funny memories. Your kids will remember your reaction and experience way more than the outcome.

3. Ask for Help
You don’t have to do everything yourself. Let your partner, kids, or family help. Asking for help doesn’t mean you're not doing a good job—it means you’re creating a fun holiday for everyone. And honestly, it's a way to LET THEM have ownership and feel good about the experience. It's not just your holiday.

4. Know Your Limits
When you start feeling stressed, pause and check in with yourself. Are you doing too much? It’s okay to change plans or say no to things if it helps you feel more relaxed.

Communicating Expectations

1. Talk Early
Before the holiday rush begins, take time to have an open, intentional conversation with your partner. Share what your hopes are for the holidays—whether it’s creating family traditions, enjoying more downtime, or simply not feeling overwhelmed. Also, be honest about what stresses or worries you, like overcommitments, family expectations, or financial pressures. Discuss what each of you feels is realistic and important, then decide together on a plan. By aligning your expectations and talking about your concerns early on, you'll avoid miscommunications and reduce last-minute stress, making the holidays feel more manageable.

2. Be Clear About What You Need
Your partner can’t read your mind, so clear communication is key. Let them know specifically how they can support you. Whether it’s preparing a holiday meal, managing an event, or giving you some much-needed downtime, clearly stating what kind of help you need makes all the difference. Instead of assuming they’ll notice when you’re overwhelmed, ask for their help in concrete ways. This opens the door for them to step in, easing the load and reducing your stress, while fostering a stronger sense of teamwork and shared responsibility.

3. Use "We" Instead of "I"
Instead of saying, “I always do everything,” try a more collaborative approach like, “How can we split the tasks?” This shift in language makes it feel like you’re both tackling the holiday responsibilities together as a team. It takes away the blame or frustration that can build up when one person feels like they’re carrying the entire load. By framing it as a shared effort, you invite your partner to participate and contribute, making it a more balanced and supportive experience for both of you.

Talk Like a Team

If you’re ready to build stronger communication and teamwork with your partner, grab my free "Talk Like a Team" workbook. It’s packed with practical exercises and prompts designed to help you both express your needs, understand each other better, and share responsibilities more effectively—especially during the busy holiday season. This workbook is a great starting point for transforming how you communicate and work together, so you can feel more connected and supported in your relationship. Download it today and start creating the partnership you deserve!

Prioritize Connection Over Perfection

The truth is, holiday magic isn’t about everything being “just right.” It’s about the moments of connection and the memories you build as a family, imperfections and all. By focusing on what truly matters, letting go of unrealistic expectations, and sharing the load with your partner, you can create a holiday season that feels nourishing instead of draining. And if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed by these patterns of perfectionism and miscommunication, coaching can offer you the tools to approach the holidays in a more grounded and joyful way.

Ready to let go of perfection and communicate more effectively this holiday season? Coaching can help you reclaim joy and balance in your home. Let’s explore how we can work together.