Becoming a mom is supposed to be the happiest time of your life, right? That’s what we’re told. But what happens when the joy is shadowed by something you never expected—rage? The kind that bubbles up out of nowhere, the kind that makes you clench your jaw so hard it aches, the kind that leaves you feeling like a stranger in your own body.

I didn’t even know the term mom rage when I first experienced it. I just knew I felt furious. At everything. At nothing. At myself. I would snap over spilled milk, feel my chest tighten when the baby wouldn’t sleep, and then collapse into guilt and shame after the storm passed. I thought something was wrong with me.

But here’s the truth: Mom rage is not a failure. It’s a signal.

Why Does Mom Rage Happen?

Rage in motherhood isn’t just about anger—it’s about unmet needs, exhaustion, identity shifts, and unprocessed emotions. For many moms, it’s a reaction to deep-seated fear and sadness.

• Fear of not being enough – We carry an invisible scorecard, measuring every moment against an impossible standard.

• Fear of losing control – Motherhood forces us to surrender to the unknown, and that can feel terrifying.

• Grief over who we used to be – We love our babies, but we’re rarely given space to mourn the version of ourselves we left behind.

As one mom shared with me, “I love my son more than anything, but I found myself grieving my freedom. And then I hated myself for it.” This contradiction—feeling both love and loss—is real. And if we don’t acknowledge it, it can manifest as rage.

Research supports this, showing that maternal mental health issues, including rage, are more common than many realize.

How to Work Through Mom Rage

Rage isn’t something to shove down and ignore. It’s something to get curious about and move through with intention. Here’s how:

1. Recognize It Without Shame

Mom rage doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you a human one. Instead of spiraling into guilt, pause and name what you’re feeling: “I am overwhelmed.” “I feel out of control.” “I am scared.” Naming the emotion can help lessen its grip.

2. Identify the Triggers

Does it happen when you’re overstimulated? When you feel unseen in your partnership? When you’re running on four hours of sleep? Patterns help us understand what needs to change.

3. Process the Underlying Emotion

Since anger is often a secondary emotion, ask yourself: What’s underneath this? Are you grieving your old self? Are you afraid you’re failing? Give yourself permission to feel the primary emotion without judgment.

4. Release the Pressure Cooker

Rage builds when we have no outlet. Move your body. Step outside. Scream into a pillow. Let the energy out in a way that doesn’t harm you or those around you. Studies show that physical activity reduces stress hormones like cortisol, which contribute to emotional outbursts.

5. Create Space for Yourself

One of the biggest predictors of maternal mental health is having support. Yet, many moms feel isolated, carrying the weight of motherhood alone. A survey by Motherly found that over 70% of moms feel like they lack a strong support system, leading to increased stress and frustration.

• Ask for help, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Take small breaks—five minutes in a locked bathroom can make a difference.

• Find a community of moms who understand.

When to Seek Professional Support

While mom rage is common, if you find yourself feeling out of control, frequently yelling, or experiencing intrusive thoughts, it’s time to reach out for help. Postpartum mood disorders don’t always look like depression; they can show up as persistent anger, irritability, and emotional numbness.

Warning signs that you should talk to a doctor or therapist:

• Your anger feels uncontrollable or leads to thoughts of harming yourself or others.

• You feel disconnected from your child or unable to find joy in motherhood.

• You experience constant anxiety or intrusive thoughts that won’t go away.

• The rage is affecting your relationships and daily life.

Seeking support is a sign of strength. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Moving Forward

Mom rage isn’t a sign that you’re broken—it’s a signal that something needs attention. The key is to address the root cause, not just the symptom. Coaching can be an incredible tool to help you untangle what’s underneath the anger and create a plan to move forward in a way that feels healthier and more fulfilling.

If this resonated with you, let’s talk. You deserve support in this journey. Book a coaching session today, and let’s create space for you to feel heard, understood, and empowered.