How to Set Boundaries During the Holidays
A quick guide for setting boundaries during the holidays and caring for your mental health as parents and partners.
The holiday season is magical but can also come with heightened stress and overwhelming expectations—especially for moms. From managing all of the family dynamics to juggling schedules, it’s easy to feel pulled in too many directions. Setting boundaries during the holidays and protecting your mental health are key to surviving without burnout.
What Are Boundaries and Why Do They Matter During the Holidays?
Boundaries are the limits we set with ourselves and others to protect our emotional well-being. They define what is acceptable and what isn’t, helping us manage our time, energy, and mental space. During the holidays, these boundaries are even more critical. Without them, we often say "yes" to too many things, feel guilty for declining invitations, and end up overwhelmed by family expectations and holiday obligations. Too many parents report the "magic of the season" gets lost in the endless expectations and hustle- and that's not the life you were dreaming of, is it?!
Remember, boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re a form of self-respect. They allow you to show up as your best self, and that benefits everyone around you. Setting boundaries during the holiday season can help you avoid resentment, stress, and exhaustion. We need you to be a fun, present version of you and in order to do that, you can't do everything with everyone at everytime.
If you're struggling to know how to set these boundaries, coaching can be a great way to gain clarity. Learn more about how working with me can support you in this process.
Holiday Mental Health Struggles: What You Might Face
For many moms, the holiday season can bring unique mental health challenges. Common struggles include:
- Anxiety: Juggling a packed schedule, coordinating family visits, and trying to make everything "perfect" can lead to anxiety, especially when expectations feel unrealistic.
- Depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): The holidays can sometimes trigger sadness or feelings of isolation, especially if you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, managing complex family dynamics, or feeling the pressure to keep everyone happy.
- Overwhelm: The sheer number of things to get done—shopping, cooking, wrapping, traveling—can feel never-ending and leave you drained before the holiday even arrives.
Prioritizing mental health isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a necessity. When you're burnt out, anxious, or feeling stretched too thin, it’s impossible to enjoy the moments that matter. You have been dreaming for years about the holidays with your kids and you don't have to let that be hijacked by the busyness of society or other people's expectations (or the expectations you put on yourself by watching too many TikTok videos.)
Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful ways to protect your mental health and ensure that you have the energy to actually enjoy the season.
Tips for Protecting Your Mental Health with Boundaries During the Holidays
Here are some practical ways to protect your mental health and enforce boundaries this holiday season:
- Identify Your Limits
Before the holidays are in full swing, take a moment to reflect on your energy levels and priorities. Ask yourself:- What are my non-negotiables?
- What do I need to say “no” to in order to maintain balance? Knowing your limits makes it easier to recognize when a boundary needs to be set.
- Communicate Early and Clearly
The earlier you communicate your boundaries during the holidays, the better. For example, if you're not comfortable hosting a large gathering or attending every event, let family members know ahead of time.
Use simple, respectful language like:
"I appreciate the invite, but we’ve decided to keep things low-key this year to focus on family time."
Clear communication prevents last-minute pressure and ensures everyone is on the same page. - Create Buffer Time
Give yourself extra breathing room between events or obligations. This buffer allows for some downtime, helping to prevent overwhelm. Whether it’s a 30-minute break after a family gathering or a free day with no plans, carve out moments of peace. - Let Go of Perfection
Holiday joy doesn’t come from perfect decorations, meals, or gifts—it comes from meaningful connection. Release the need for everything to look "Pinterest-worthy" and embrace imperfection.
Remind yourself: It’s not your job to make everyone else’s holiday perfect.
Struggling with saying "no" or creating that buffer? Coaching can help you practice these boundaries in real-life scenarios. Reach out to learn more about how I can support you.
Boundaries During the Holidays Conversations and Actions
Boundaries often need to be reinforced in conversations, which can feel awkward AF. Here’s how you can approach these discussions:
- Use "I" Statements
Phrases like, “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need more time to recharge before…” help communicate your needs without putting blame on others. - Stay Firm but Compassionate
You don’t need to over-explain or apologize. Keep it simple, and don’t feel guilty for protecting your well-being.
Example: “I won’t be able to make it to dinner this year, but let’s schedule a time to catch up after the holidays when things are calmer.” - Be Prepared for Pushback
Some family members or friends may struggle with your boundaries during the holidays, but remember—you’re setting them to maintain your own peace. Stay confident in your decision and don’t waver just because someone else is uncomfortable with it.
Boundaries and mental health go hand in hand. As you navigate this holiday season, recognize the overlap—by honoring your limits, you’re also caring for your mind and heart and what you keep available to offer your closest loved ones.
If you're feeling overwhelmed with setting these boundaries during the holidays, or any other time, coaching is a great way to find support and accountability in creating a holiday season that works for you. Let's talk about how coaching can help you take control of your boundaries and mental health this season.
You Have Permission to Say No and Set Boundaries During the Holidays
This holiday season, you have permission to say "no," to protect your energy, and to prioritize your mental health. Setting boundaries will allow you to show up with more joy, less stress, and the ability to enjoy the moments that matter most. You deserve that gift as much as anyone else.
Ready to create a holiday season with less stress and more peace? Let’s chat about how coaching can help you set boundaries, protect your mental health, and enjoy the holidays again.