How to Share the Mental Load of the Holidays
It’s no secret that moms often feel like the ones responsible for all the holiday magic—planning, organizing, gift-buying, meal-prepping, and more. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to (and shouldn’t) do it all alone. Taking steps to share the mental load of the holidays with your partner or family members is crucial not only for your mental health but also for improving your relationships and ensuring that the holidays are joyful for everyone—including you.
Why Is It Hard to Share and Delegate?
Let’s start with the reality: many moms struggle to delegate during the holidays. This challenge can stem from several places:
Perfectionism: We want things done a certain way, and it feels easier to do it ourselves than risk it being done differently. If you've ever taken something back saying "I'll just do it myself!" you might be victim to this.
Cultural Expectations: Women, particularly moms, are often expected to be the ones creating and holding up traditions, which adds pressure to keep it all together. But culture change starts with people making changes- that gets to be you and me!
Lack of Communication: Sometimes, it’s not about unwillingness to share the load, but rather that your partner or family doesn’t realize how much you’re carrying. But we are a generation of women learning to communicate our needs.
These factors make it hard to let go of tasks and let others step in. But doing so is necessary for both your own well-being and your relationships. And honestly, the future depends on us learning how to be in stronger partnerships and that means expecting but also allowing our parents to step into things like the mental load more than they have before.
If these challenges resonate with you, it might be time to explore how coaching can help you and your partner communicate better, delegate tasks, and navigate the mental load of the holidays as a team.
Why It’s Important to Share the Mental Load of the holidays
The holidays should be a time of joy and togetherness—not a period where you’re burnt out and resentful from doing everything alone. Sharing the load can:
Reduce Stress: When tasks are divided, the mental and emotional strain lessens, making you more present and able to enjoy the season.
Strengthen Relationships: Working as a team fosters a sense of partnership and reduces the likelihood of resentment.
Set a Good Example for Your Kids: Modeling shared responsibility teaches your children the importance of teamwork and balance, helping them understand that mom doesn’t have to do it all.
Sharing tasks doesn’t just make the holidays easier—it brings the family together and shows that everyone has a role in making the season magical.
How Sharing and Delegating Improves the Relationship
When you and your partner (or family) share the holiday workload, it strengthens your bond in several ways:
Improved Communication: You learn how to talk openly about needs, expectations, and limits.
Reduced Resentment: The feeling of being unsupported or underappreciated often leads to resentment. Sharing the load creates mutual respect and understanding.
Increased Intimacy: Believe it or not, tackling holiday tasks as a team brings you closer. There’s something deeply connecting about collaborating on plans, decorating together, or even splitting up errands.
By sharing the mental load of the holidays, you’re also modeling the kind of relationship you want—one where both partners contribute equally and support each other.
If this is a struggle in your household, coaching can help you and your partner get on the same page, communicate better, and develop a system that works for your family.
Practical Tips for Sharing and Delegating the Holiday Workload
Ready to share the load this holiday season? Here are some practical ways to delegate and make it work:
Make a Holiday Task List Together
Sit down with your partner and create a list of everything that needs to get done. This can include shopping, cooking, wrapping gifts, coordinating travel, or even emotional labor tasks like remembering to call extended family. Once the list is made, divide the tasks in a way that feels fair. Be honest about what you need help with and what you’d prefer to do yourself.
PS: Here's a streamlining your home resource that could be really helpful!
Set Clear Expectations
Communication is key. Instead of assuming your partner knows what to do, be specific about what you need. For example, “Can you take care of wrapping all the gifts for the kids?” or “I’d love for you to plan the holiday meal this year.”Clarity helps everyone feel confident in their roles and reduces misunderstandings.
Let Go of Control
This one’s hard, I know. But when you delegate a task, you also have to let go of how it’s done. If your partner decorates the tree differently than you would or wraps the gifts in a less-than-perfect way, let it be. The goal is shared responsibility, not perfection.
PS: In this blog posts, I share how husbands have told me that their partner's tight grip on control is keeping them from helping more and feeling connected as a dad. Listen in here.
Celebrate Small Wins
When your partner steps up to help, acknowledge it! Positive reinforcement strengthens the behavior, and it feels good to know your efforts are seen and appreciated. Instead of focusing on what’s not done “your way,” celebrate that the task was completed and thank them for their help.
Reevaluate as Needed
Sometimes, things don’t go smoothly right away, and that’s okay. Check-in with each other throughout the season to make sure the workload feels balanced. Adjust responsibilities as needed to keep the stress levels low.
By learning to share the mental load of the holidays, you’re fostering a team-oriented mindset that will last long after the decorations are packed away. Plus, you’re giving yourself the space to actually enjoy the holidays rather than simply survive them.
If you’re struggling to make this shift, coaching can offer the tools and guidance you need to transform your partnership. Learn more about how coaching can help you create balance and connection this holiday season.
Sharing the holiday workload may feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a necessary step to protect your mental health and strengthen your relationships. When you and your partner communicate clearly, divide tasks, and work as a team, the holidays become more joyful and less stressful. And isn’t that what the season is all about?