Motherhood in the U.S. Is a Rigged Game—Here’s What Needs to Change

The Viral Moment That Sparked a Much-Needed Conversation

Pop artist Chappell Roan recently made waves on the Call Her Daddy podcast when she bluntly stated that her mom friends aren’t happy:

"I literally have not met anyone who's happy. They all seem like they're in hell."

Her words struck a nerve. Some criticized her for oversimplifying the challenges of motherhood, while others saw it as a necessary wake-up call about the systemic failings that make modern motherhood so difficult, especially in the United States.

Because here’s the thing: It’s not just about individual struggles. It’s about a system that has failed mothers and it’s time to talk about it.

Photo from: People.Com

The Crisis of Motherhood in America

America often celebrates the idea of motherhood, but when it comes to actually supporting mothers? We fall painfully short.

From the lack of affordable childcare to the unrealistic pressure to "do it all," mothers are left feeling exhausted, unsupported, and financially strained.

Let's break down the key reasons why so many mothers feel like they’re drowning—and what needs to change.

1. The Childcare Crisis: Costs That Rival a Mortgage

Childcare in the U.S. is so expensive that it’s often called the “second rent” or “second mortgage” for families.

• The average annual cost of childcare in the U.S. is over $10,000 per child—and in some states, it’s significantly higher.

• Many families spend 20-30% of their household income on childcare.

• Some mothers end up quitting their jobs entirely because their take-home pay doesn’t even cover daycare costs.

Systemic Solution: We need subsidized childcare options, universal pre-K, and tax credits that truly offset the cost for working families.

Personal Solutions: Some families create co-op childcare with other parents, rely on flexible work-from-home arrangements, or stagger work shifts with a partner.

A client I recently worked with, Claire, loved her job. As a marketing director in Boston, she thrived on collaboration, problem-solving, and feeling like her work mattered. But when the cost of childcare for two kids surpassed $4000 a month she had no choice but to quit. Overnight, she went from leading meetings to folding laundry, from professional fulfillment to isolation. She loved her children, but she mourned the loss of her career, her team, and the sense of purpose she had spent years building.

Her story isn’t unique. Across the U.S., countless mothers are forced out of the workforce because childcare costs more than they earn. Without affordable childcare, paid parental leave, or flexible work options, women are left with impossible choices. No mother should have to give up who she is just to afford raising the next generation.

2. The Loss of the Village: Moms Are Raising Kids in Isolation

Raising children was never meant to be a solo mission, yet that’s exactly what many mothers experience today.

• Grandparents are working longer due to financial pressures and can’t provide the same level of help.

• Families live farther apart, making it harder to rely on relatives for support.

• Communities aren’t designed for parents. Gone are the days when kids could roam safely, playing with neighbors while parents had built-in social support.

Systemic Solution: Urban planning that prioritizes family-friendly communities, investment in local parenting support programs, and flexible work policies that allow parents to spend more time with their children. And not that it should be the grandparent’s responsibility, but making it more feasible to be able to afford retirement could drastically improve the life of those families who have grandparents that want to be more involved.

Personal Solutions: Actively build your own village through local mom groups, co-working childcare spaces, or even online communities. We have to put ourselves out there and get uncomfortable in order to reclaim the kinds of villages and comunities we want.

When our family moved to a new town and needed two incomes, we decided to get serious about building community that could extend our support. We started by opening our own home- we didn’t make it perfect, we didn’t clean the baseboards but we connected with people that shared our values. We found people who shared our values by starting conversations, having playdates, and asking questions. Now, those are the parents and families who watch our kids in a pinch and drop their kids off for an afternoon when needed.

3. No Paid Parental Leave: America vs. The Rest of the World

The U.S. is the only wealthy nation that doesn’t guarantee paid parental leave. Honestly I can’t stomach what bullshit this is.

• More than 70% of mothers in the U.S. return to work before they’re ready—often while still recovering physically and mentally.

• Studies show that paid leave improves maternal health, reduces postpartum depression, and leads to better outcomes for babies—yet only 25% of workers have access to it.

Systemic Solution: The U.S. needs federally mandated paid leave—not just for maternity, but for all parents. How does anyone think this isn’t a good idea?

Personal Solutions: If you’re pregnant or planning a family, negotiate leave upfront if possible, save strategically, and explore short-term disability coverage for postpartum recovery. There are even consultants who can help you figure out how to maximize your benefits by analyzing your company’s plan. Linzay of Hello Bundle is a GREAT resource for this and serves numerous states.

4. Healthcare Costs: Having a Baby Shouldn’t Bankrupt Families

• The average out-of-pocket cost for childbirth in the U.S. is $3,000 to $5,000 with some families facing bills upwards of $10,000.

• The mental health support gap is staggering. Many mothers struggle with postpartum depression but can’t afford therapy.

• A shocking number of women still experience birth trauma, and maternal mortality rates are higher in the U.S. than in any other developed country.

Systemic Solution: Universal healthcare, expanded postpartum mental health support, and policies that prevent hospitals from price-gouging families for essential care. In general, giving a fuc about postpartum recovery and care.

Personal Solutions: Look into hospital cost estimates ahead of time, explore doulas and midwives for cost-effective support, and advocate for better care.

So, What’s the Solution?

We need both policy changes and cultural shifts to create a system where motherhood isn’t synonymous with exhaustion and financial stress.

What Needs to Happen at a Policy Level:

Affordable, high-quality childcare
Universal paid parental leave
Healthcare reform for birth and postpartum care
Stronger workplace protections for parents
Investment in community-based parenting resources

What We Can Do as Individuals:

Talk about it—the more we share, the harder it is to ignore
Support moms in our circles: Babysit, offer meals, check in
Advocate for family-friendly policies in our workplaces
Create local parenting networks to rebuild the village

Final Thoughts: We Can’t Accept This As "Normal"

Chappell Roan’s comments may have been blunt, but they touched a raw nerve. Too many moms feel burnt out, trapped, and unseen.

We don’t need to accept this as the price of motherhood. We need to demand better.

🔹 If you’re a mom who feels exhausted—it’s not you, it’s the system.
🔹 If you’re a parent trying to juggle it all—you’re not alone.
🔹 If you believe mothers deserve better—share this message and let’s push for change.