5 Ways Postpartum Body Image Can Damage Your Relationship

If you are a new mom, there are potentially two things that feel frustrating about postpartum body image. First, understanding your own body after birth. Secondly, how you relate to your partner about your postpartum body. This post is specifically about how body image impacts relationships and how to navigate these changes together.

Society, Postpartum Body Image, and Relationships

Society does us no favors when it comes to the messages around the body after having a baby. The "bounce back" culture demands that women return to their pre-pregnancy bodies almost immediately after giving birth. It’s almost as if women are expected to have babies but then look like they didn’t. Women are expected to make babies and then act as if they aren’t sexual beings. Both of these narratives are harmful and honestly bullshit. These unrealistic expectations create an environment where new mothers feel immense pressure to look a certain way, often at the expense of their mental and physical health.

Understanding Real Postpartum Body Changes

So, let’s break down some of these changes. Your breasts may change in size and shape, your belly might not return to its pre-pregnancy state, and your skin can develop stretch marks. The pelvic floor undergoes significant changes, which can impact not only sex but also basic bodily functions.

• Breasts: Whether or not you choose to breastfeed, your breasts will go through changes. Early on, they will swell and leak. As your body regulates more, this will become less of a factor. For the majority of women, breasts may become smaller, stretched, and saggier after ending the breastfeeding journey. For example, you might notice that your breasts feel different, and this can affect how you feel about being intimate.
  
• Belly: In the early weeks, your uterus is doing the hard work of shrinking back to size. As time goes on, genetics, age, and pregnancy weight gain can impact the rate and overall change in belly shape and size after giving birth. For instance, you might still have a soft belly long after your baby is born, which can be a source of insecurity.
  
• Skin: Stretch marks are the result of skin expansion. Your skin’s elasticity can shift, which means it falls and holds in different ways. This can lead to stretch marks or looser skin, which many women feel self-conscious about.
  
• Pelvic Floor: One of the greatest disgraces of Western postpartum care is the lack of education on the pelvic floor. Not only does the pelvic floor impact sex and potential discomfort, but also body function and experience. For example, pelvic floor changes might lead to urine leakage or discomfort during sex, which can make you feel insecure and out of control.

Impact on Relationships and Intimacy

Body image and feelings about self can spill over into the relationship and affect expectations around connection and intimacy.

1. Projection of Inner Critic onto Your Partner: When you have negative messages in your head, you are likely to assume others are thinking the same. For instance, you might believe your partner doesn’t find you attractive anymore, even if they say otherwise.
   
2. Reduced Communication of Desires and Needs: When you lack confidence, you are less likely to share what you want and need with your partner. This can lead to less satisfaction in your intimate life. For example, if you're not feeling good about your body, you might not express what feels good during sex.
   
3. Anxiety During Sexual Encounters: There is nothing worse than being in the moment but being unable to enjoy it because your thoughts are everywhere. If you are thinking, "Is he noticing my bigger belly?" you are unable to relax and be present.
   
4. Struggle with Arousal: Sex is best when your body is geared up and ready. Arousal stimulates natural vaginal lubrication and muscle relaxation. When held back by body image struggles, you risk having more painful sex.
   
5. Lack of Confidence to Try New Things: Without confidence, you will not get creative with fun ways to interact with your partner. This may lead to more patterns of feeling disconnected and doubting your ability to connect and have fun.

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Healing Your Postpartum Body Image

Healing body image after having a baby is essential for both our well-being and our relationships. Here are three steps you can take to improve your body image and, in turn, your intimacy with your partner:

1. Educate Yourself

• Learn About Your Body Changes: Knowledge is empowering and can help you appreciate your body’s resilience and strength. For example, reading books on postpartum recovery or attending a workshop on pelvic floor health can provide valuable insights and reassurance.

2. Wear Clothes That Fit Now

• Invest in Clothing That Makes You Feel Good: It’s about feeling confident and comfortable, not about fitting into a past version of yourself. For instance, find a few key pieces that make you feel beautiful and comfortable, such as a soft, supportive bra or a flattering dress.

3. Communicate with Your Partner

• Open, Honest Communication is Key: Share your feelings about your body and let your partner know how they can support you. This can strengthen your bond and create a safe space for intimacy. For example, you might say, "I’ve been feeling self-conscious about my belly, and it would help me feel better if you reassured me that you still find me attractive."

You Don't Have to "Bounce Back" to be Worthy

Healing your postpartum body image is a journey, but it’s one that’s worth taking for both your own well-being and the health of your relationship. You deserve to feel confident and loved in your own skin. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.

For more support, download our free body image journaling guide and consider booking a call with me. Working with a coach can provide personalized strategies to help you heal body image and grow confidence in yourself and your intimate connection.