How to Keep Intimacy Alive While Trying to Conceive
Trying to conceive (TTC) can be an emotional rollercoaster. Between tracking ovulation, timing intercourse, and dealing with the ups and downs of the journey, intimacy can start to feel more like a task than a connection. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
In a recent episode of the Better Relationships After Baby Podcast, I sat down with fertility expert and doula Erin McCaffrey Crespo of Thrive Doula to talk about how TTC impacts relationships and what couples can do to maintain emotional and physical connection during this season.
The Invisible Weight of TTC
If you’ve been on the TTC journey for more than a few months, you know that it’s not just about getting pregnant—it’s about managing emotions, expectations, and the stress that can creep into your relationship. Erin pointed out that when sex becomes goal-oriented, it can shift from being a source of pleasure and connection to something mechanical. And that shift can create pressure, frustration, and even resentment between partners.
Some common struggles couples face during TTC include:
Feeling like sex is a chore rather than an act of intimacy
Discrepancies in how much each partner desires sex during this time
The pressure to “perform” on certain days, which can reduce spontaneity
Emotional disconnection due to stress, disappointment, or fear of infertility
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. The good news? There are ways to protect your relationship while navigating TTC.
How to Keep Intimacy Alive During TTC
1. Reframe Sex as More Than Baby-Making
When sex becomes focused solely on conception, it can lose its emotional and physical excitement. Erin emphasized the importance of remembering that intimacy is about connection, not just reproduction. She encourages couples to prioritize pleasure, affection, and playfulness—whether that leads to sex or not.
2. Find Ways to Decompress Together
Stress is a major libido killer, and TTC can add a whole new layer of tension. Finding ways to relax together can help you reconnect. Some ideas include:
Watching a lighthearted show after sex to take the pressure off
Engaging in non-sexual physical touch, like cuddling or massages
Scheduling fun date nights that don’t revolve around TTC talk
3. Communicate Openly About Expectations and Feelings
One of the biggest sources of tension during TTC is unspoken expectations. If one partner feels like the other isn’t as emotionally invested or if sex starts to feel transactional, resentment can build. Having open conversations about how you’re feeling—without blaming each other—can help you stay on the same team. Erin suggests using phrases like:
“I’m feeling a little disconnected. Can we find ways to reconnect outside of TTC?”
“Sex feels really different for me right now, and I don’t want to lose our spark. Can we talk about ways to make it more fun again?”
4. Stop Stressing Over “Perfect” TTC Sex
There are so many myths about TTC sex that can add unnecessary stress. Erin debunked some of the most common ones, including:
You have to have sex every day to conceive. (Not true! Every other day during the fertile window is usually enough.)
You can only conceive in certain positions. (There’s no magic position—do what feels good.)
You need to lie with your legs up after sex. (Gravity isn’t a major factor in conception.)
Instead of focusing on doing everything “right,” focus on making sex enjoyable. Use lubricant if needed (just make sure it’s sperm-friendly), switch up the routine, and remind yourselves why you’re attracted to each other in the first place.
5. Seek Outside Support
TTC can feel isolating, especially if you’re keeping it private. But bottling up emotions can make it even harder. Erin stressed the importance of finding support beyond your partner, whether that’s a friend, a therapist, or a fertility coach. Having an outlet for your worries and frustrations allows you to bring less stress into your relationship. (Erin has offered $50 off services with her if you use the code CHELSEA.)
Keeping the Connection Strong Through the Trying to Conceive Journey
TTC is a season, not a permanent state. But how you handle intimacy and communication during this time can have a lasting impact on your relationship. By prioritizing emotional closeness, being open about your needs, and making space for fun and pleasure, you can strengthen your connection rather than let this journey create distance.
If this resonated with you, listen to the full conversation with Erin McCaffrey Crespo on Better Relationships After Baby for even more insight and support.
And if you’re feeling the weight of TTC, know that you don’t have to navigate it alone. Prioritizing your relationship is just as important as prioritizing conception. Your partnership deserves care too.