Mom Rage: How to Chill and Enjoy Motherhood More

Do you have steam coming out of your ears? Are you able to explode with the drop of a pin? Are you wondering why things that are so small are creating such big stress? Listen momma friend, if you're experiencing mom rage you aren't alone and you can find ways to enjoy motherhood more. Read on as we'll explore what mom rage is, why it happens, when it happens, how it can manifest, and, most importantly, ways to combat it.

Hi, I'm Chelsea, and I Had Mom Rage

I vividly remember a time when I felt completely overwhelmed. My partner had just left for work, and I was home with our newborn. It felt like everything was spiraling out of control. The baby wouldn't stop crying, the house was a mess, and I hadn't slept properly in days. I felt this intense anger bubbling up inside me, and I didn't know how to handle it. It was only later that I realized this was mom rage—a feeling that many moms experience but often don't talk about. If you're reading this, chances are you've had a similar experience and maybe you even feel shame or guilt around it. It's messy and a little icky and also when you think about all the change and pressures you're feeling right now, it also makes sense.

What is Mom Rage?

Defining Mom Rage

Mom rage is not a clinical diagnosis but rather a descriptive term that captures the extreme anger some mothers experience. This rage can be a complex emotional response that combines elements of stress, frustration, anxiety, and sometimes despair. It often arises from a buildup of pressures and unmet needs that culminate in a powerful emotional outburst.

How Mom Rage Feels in the Body and Mind

• Physical Symptoms:

  • Racing heart

  • Tight chest

  • Clenched jaw

  • Tense muscles
    
    Mental Symptoms:

    • Overwhelming anger

    • Racing thoughts

    • Sudden irritation

    • Uncontrollable urge to yell or cry

Understanding these signs is the first step in recognizing and addressing mom rage.

Why and When Mom Rage Happens

Common Triggers

1. Anxiety: Constant worry about your child's well-being and the pressure to be a perfect parent.

2. Mental Load: The invisible, non-stop planning and organizing that typically falls on mothers.

3. Societal Expectations: Unrealistic expectations to balance work, home life, and personal well-being.

4. Sleep Deprivation: Lack of sleep impacting mood and emotional regulation.

5. Lack of Support and Community: Feeling isolated and unsupported.

6. Unfulfilled Needs: Putting your own needs last, leading to resentment and anger.

My Experience with Mom Rage

For me, it was a combination of these factors. I would fester and reel on things that felt out of my control. I also experienced a lot of resentment towards my partner because I felt like my life had changed in so many ways, leaving me out of control, while his didn't have such a big impact. These feelings were tied to my unfulfilled needs that I didn’t even realize I had, let alone know how to verbalize.

Unique Challenges for Different Types of Moms

• Stay-at-Home Moms: Isolation and lack of adult interaction, constant caregiving without a break.

• Working Moms: Balancing work and home life, dealing with guilt, managing societal expectations.

How Mom Rage Might Manifest

Behavioral Signs

• Yelling or snapping at loved ones over minor issues

Emotional Signs

• Intense guilt and shame after an outburst

Impact on Family

• Strain on relationships

• Modeling unhealthy behavior for children

Relation to Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

Mom rage can be related to postpartum depression and anxiety. These conditions can significantly impact a mother's emotional state and exacerbate feelings of anger and frustration. If you’re experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety, such as persistent sadness, extreme fatigue, or severe mood swings, it’s crucial to seek professional help.

Common Misconceptions about Mom Rage

1. "Good moms don’t get angry.": Feeling anger doesn’t make you a bad mom; it makes you human.

2. "Mom rage means you don’t love your children.": Intense emotions often stem from the deep care and responsibility you feel for your family.

3. "It’s just a phase and will pass without addressing it.": Ignoring it can make things worse; it’s crucial to acknowledge and manage these feelings.

Strategies for Managing Mom Rage

Self-Awareness

• Be a Detective: Get curious about your own triggers.

  • Tip: Keep a journal to track situations that trigger your rage.

Communication Skills

• Express Needs and Feelings: Learning to communicate effectively can be a game-changer.

  • Tip: Consider coaching to improve communication and teamwork skills.

Self-Care

• Prioritize Self-Care: Find moments for yourself, even if they are brief.

  • Tip: Journaling can help process thoughts and emotions.

Repair When You Rupture

• Apologize and Explain: Repair the situation after an outburst to mitigate the impact.

Reach Out for Help

• Professional Support: Counseling and coaching can provide you with tools to manage mom rage effectively.

Be Mindful About Your Intake

• Manage Expectations: Be mindful of what you consume, whether it's social media or advice from others.

Short Naps and Recharge Meditations

• Find Time to Recharge: Short naps or quick recharge meditations can help regain energy and emotional balance.

Now You're Aware, Let's Do Something About It

You are not alone in this. Mom rage is a common experience, and it’s okay to seek help. If you're struggling with mom rage and want to learn more about managing it, reach out to me for coaching support. Together, we can work on strategies to help you feel more in control and improve your well-being.

It's okay to have these difficult struggles, but you don't want to stay there. You owe it to yourself, your family, and your future to get a grasp on your rage triggers, how to better communicate and connect with your partner, and how to develop a future with less mom rage. I can help you do that.