How to Build More Equity in Your Relationship with Fair Play
Ever feel like you’re drowning in responsibilities while your partner gets a free pass? You’re not alone. Many couples unknowingly fall into traditional gender roles, often leaving one person overwhelmed while the other remains unaware of the invisible labor being carried. This imbalance can create resentment, burnout, and disconnect—but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
That’s where Fair Play comes in.
What Is Fair Play?
Fair Play is a system designed to help couples bring more balance to their household responsibilities. It provides clear communication tools and an actual set of cards that break down every task involved in running a home—so there’s no more guessing, assuming, or hoping someone else will magically take care of things.
Sandi Konta, a Fair Play expert and advocate, joined me on my podcast to break down why so many of us are stuck in these exhausting patterns and, more importantly, how to get out of them.
Are You Complicit in Your Own Oppression?
One of the biggest wake-up calls from my conversation with Sandi was recognizing how many of us unknowingly perpetuate our own exhaustion. We do this by:
Putting ourselves last and devaluing our own time
Absorbing stress so others don’t have to feel it
Assuming responsibility for things that no one even asked us to do
Feeling pride in how much we sacrifice—until it leads to total burnout
Sound familiar? This mindset doesn’t just show up in our homes; it’s reinforced everywhere—from the “supermom” culture to the casual way people ask dads if they’re “babysitting” their own kids.
The Key to Change: Stepping Back So Your Partner Can Step Up
Many women I work with want their partners to do more, but the real shift happens when they allow themselves to do less. That means letting go of control and giving your partner full responsibility over tasks—without hovering, micromanaging, or “fixing” how they do things.
As Sandi said in our conversation: If you want your partner to step up, you have to step back.
This isn’t easy, especially when we’ve been conditioned to take pride in doing it all. But when you start releasing tasks and allowing your partner to take ownership, real balance becomes possible.
How to Start Using Fair Play in Your Relationship
If you’re ready to create more equity in your home, here’s how to get started:
1. Have the Conversation
Instead of jumping straight into dividing tasks, start by having a conversation with your partner about why this matters. Share how you feel, what’s been frustrating you, and what you hope to change.
2. Pick One Task at a Time
Fair Play includes a set of 100+ task cards, but don’t overwhelm yourself by tackling them all at once. Instead, start with the one task that causes the most tension in your home. Maybe it’s the dishes, laundry, or meal planning. Define what “done” looks like for both of you and agree on who takes full ownership.
3. Let Go of Control
Once you hand off a task, resist the urge to oversee, correct, or redo it. If your partner is in charge of dishes, that means they also handle keeping dish soap stocked and knowing when it’s time to run the dishwasher. The mental load should leave your brain completely.
4. Expect Growing Pains
Change isn’t always smooth. Your partner may struggle at first, and it may take time for both of you to adjust. But discomfort is a sign of growth. Stick with it.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Every step toward equity is a win. Acknowledge and appreciate each other’s efforts, and recognize that even small shifts can create a big difference in how you both feel at home.
Take the First Step
Breaking free from the “good girl” mindset and creating a more balanced partnership isn’t about blame—it’s about working together toward a home that feels fair, connected, and sustainable for both of you.
If this resonates with you, check out Sandi’s FREE Fair Play workshop for a deeper dive into how to implement this in your own relationship: donebeinggood.com/fairplay
And follow her for more insights: @donebeinggood