How to Make Date Nights Actually Happen (Even When You're Exhausted)
I get it. You want to have a date night. You miss the connection, the fun, and the version of you that isn’t buried under laundry, work stress, and the 47 snack requests a day. But when the time actually rolls around? You’re exhausted. The couch is calling. And the idea of planning something—on top of everything else—feels like another chore.
But here’s the thing: Date nights aren’t just another box to check. They’re the maintenance work of a strong relationship. And just like you wouldn’t ignore a “check engine” light on your car (or at least, not for too long), you can’t afford to put off quality time with your partner.
So, how do you actually make date nights happen when you’re running on fumes? Let’s talk about it.
1. Take the Decision-Making Off Your Plate
One of the biggest barriers to date nights is decision fatigue. By the end of the day, your brain has been making choices nonstop—what to feed the kids, how to word that email, whether you can get away with washing your hair one more day. So when someone asks, “What do you want to do for date night?” your brain just… gives up.
The solution? Plan in advance. Make a list of go-to at-home date ideas (or better yet, borrow some from this article I was featured in). That way, when the time comes, you’re not starting from scratch—you’re just picking from a menu.
2. Reframe What Counts as a Date
If you’re picturing candlelit dinners and perfectly curated activities every time, no wonder date night feels overwhelming. A date is simply intentional time together. That’s it.
A game night, a deep conversation over dessert, or even sitting outside with a drink after the kids are asleep—it all counts. The goal isn’t to make it look like a rom-com. The goal is to reconnect in whatever way fits your life right now.
When I’m working with my relationship coaching clients to help them use their time and energy in the ways that really help them be a team, we get really clear about what connection means to each of them and how to make it feasible.
3. Protect the Time Like an Appointment
Here’s some tough love: If you don’t schedule it, it won’t happen. Full stop.
Pick a day, put it on the calendar, and treat it like you would any other commitment. You wouldn’t cancel a meeting because you were “too tired”—you’d show up, do the thing, and probably feel better afterward. Date nights deserve the same level of priority.
And if you’re thinking, But what about the kids?—get creative. Maybe that means putting on a movie in the other room, swapping babysitting nights with another couple, or even having a lunch date while they nap. There’s always a way.
4. Choose Connection Over Perfection
At-home date nights don’t have to be fancy. They don’t have to be long. They don’t even have to go as planned.
What matters is that you’re making the effort. That you’re looking at each other instead of your phones. That you’re remembering why you chose this person in the first place.
And if all you do is share a laugh, hold hands for a few minutes, or stay awake long enough to watch one episode of something together? That’s still a win.
Start Small, But Start Now
The hardest part is just getting started. So instead of waiting for the “perfect” time, just pick something—tonight, this week, whatever feels doable—and do it.
And if you need some fresh ideas? Check out this article I contributed to. It’s full of simple, doable ways to make date night happen without draining your last ounce of energy.
Your relationship deserves this. You deserve this. Now, go make it happen.