Do You Need to Be a Better LIstener?

When was the last time you felt truly heard? Not just nodded at or given a half-hearted “uh-huh,” but deeply understood? For many of us, it’s rare. Life gets busy, distractions pile up, and the art of listening often takes a backseat. But here’s the truth: being a better listener can transform your relationships in ways you can’t imagine.

Whether you’re a partner, parent, friend, or coworker, your ability to listen impacts every connection you have. Let’s explore why listening matters, the common reasons we struggle, and how you can start improving today.

Why Listening Matters in your relationship

Listening goes far beyond simply hearing someone’s words. It’s about showing up, being present, and making the other person feel valued and understood.

Studies show that couples who actively listen to each other are 86% more likely to report greater satisfaction in their relationship. That’s because good listening builds trust, strengthens connection, and lays the foundation for open communication.

When you take the time to listen, you create a space for meaningful conversations and a deeper sense of partnership. On the flip side, poor listening can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and emotional distance.

Why We Struggle with Listening

Listening might sound simple, but the reality is that it takes intentional effort—and most of us aren’t very good at it. Here’s why:

• We multitask constantly: Whether it’s scrolling on our phones or mentally running through our to-do lists, we’re often only half-present in conversations.

• We listen to respond, not to understand: Instead of focusing on the other person’s words, we’re busy crafting our reply or waiting for our turn to speak.

• We’re weighed down by emotional baggage: Stress, exhaustion, or unresolved frustrations can cloud our ability to fully hear and engage.

These habits don’t make us bad people—they’re just part of life. But recognizing them is the first step to changing how we show up for others.

When Poor Listening Hurts Relationships

It’s easy to overlook how much listening—or the lack of it—affects our relationships. But here are a few ways poor listening can hurt the people we care about most:

• Feeling unseen or dismissed: When someone shares something important and we’re not fully present, it sends the message that they—and their feelings—don’t matter.

• Example: Your partner tells you about a stressful day, and you respond with, “At least tomorrow will be better,” instead of truly acknowledging their frustration.

• Filling in the gaps with assumptions: Misunderstanding someone’s words can lead to unnecessary emotions, like frustration or hurt feelings, and even trigger avoidable conflicts.

• Example: Your spouse mentions being worried about finances, and you immediately assume they’re blaming you for overspending.

• Building emotional disconnection: Over time, repeated moments of feeling unheard can create distance in a relationship, making even small conversations feel tense or exhausting.

Tips for Becoming a Better Listener in your relationship

The good news? Listening is a skill, and like any skill, you can improve it with practice. Here are some practical tips to start becoming a better listener today:

1. Be Fully Present

Set aside distractions and focus entirely on the person speaking. That means putting down your phone, making eye contact, and engaging with their words.

• Pro Tip: Pause for a moment before responding. This allows you to absorb what’s been said instead of rushing to reply.

2. Validate Before Solving

Before you jump in with advice or solutions, take a moment to acknowledge their emotions. Often, people don’t need fixes—they just want to feel heard.

• Phrase to Use: “It sounds like you’re feeling ___ because ___. Did I get that right?”

3. Ask Clarifying Questions

Instead of making assumptions, ask for more details. This not only helps you understand better but also shows the other person that you’re invested in their perspective.

• Phrase to Use: “Can you tell me more about what you mean by ___?”

4. Paraphrase What You Heard

Repeat back the key points of what they shared to confirm that you’re on the same page.

• Example: “So, you’re saying mornings have been really stressful lately?”

5. Check Your Emotional State

If you’re overwhelmed, stressed, or distracted, it’s okay to pause the conversation. Let the other person know you want to give them your full attention, even if it means revisiting later.

• Phrase to Use: “I want to be fully present for this—can we come back to it when I can give you my best focus?”

What Happens to your relationship When You Listen Better

Imagine what would shift in your relationships if you truly heard and understood the people in your life. What would it feel like for your partner, your kids, or even your closest friends to feel seen and supported every time they opened up to you?

When you practice better listening, you create stronger, more fulfilling connections. You build trust, reduce unnecessary conflict, and foster a sense of teamwork that makes challenges easier to face together.

Take Action with Listening This Week

Listening isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Choose one tip from this post to focus on this week. Maybe it’s putting down your phone during conversations or validating someone’s emotions before offering advice. Whatever you choose, small changes can make a big difference. Maybe that means getting outside support with coaching to help you and your partner prioritize, get on the same page, communicate and connect with one another again.